December 16, 2004

I can't be the only person this annoys...

I'm not annoyed that Howard wrote about it, but that the topic even freaking exists to be written about: Smart Mobs: Do You Wear 'Airport Friendly' Clothing?

I remember when flying was a lot of fun. Get the the airport, get your ticket, hop onto a groovy plane, get where you are going, see some cool stuff from the air. Nice people doing a fun job, seeing the world. When I was a pup, shortly after de-regulation, I really liked being able to fly without a cavity search.

None of this stuff works, it's all voodoo, smoke and mirrors. Quick ! Quick! Get through security into the safe shopping zone! Don't think! Don't protest your treatment! Shop, slave, shop! Don't forget to watch CNN-airport, as the Scott Peterson trial special is coming on. You're either with us or against us! Hey, you there! Those aren't ILLEGAL MP3s you're listening to on your ipod is it? Hey! Buy! BUy! BUY! BUY! Hey, you there.....Sorry, your flights been cancelled due to the fact that our union is getting screwed by an executive staff making 5000 times what the average line working is getting so we're doing a work slowdown...I mean....uh....Weather in Arizona is causing a cascade of late planes in the system, would you mind being routed through Alaska? What? You're going to Alaska? I meant dulles international. You know, where drunk idiots in customs will fling your bags off the carousel for you into the middle of the room! No cameras or cell phones in the customs area please, we wouldn't want your family to know you've arrived, you terrorist.

Christ. This is why I love southwest...They know that the whole point is to get you there with a minimum of bullshit, and a caste based seating system is largely inefficient bs. Serving meals that both resemble and likely taste like cat vomit is largely inefficient bs. Routing flights through ridiculously poorly planned airports like SFO is largely inefficient BS (2 landing strips, unless it's foggy, then just one....oh...who ever heard of fog at SFO.)

Can you tell I have a flight coming up? And I'll shut up with everyone else so I can get to the other side of the country to see my family, as that's the payoff, I don't have the money, lawyers or balls that John Gilmore has, at least not yet. (I am donating a freaking car to the EFF though. You should to.)

That said, Not everything about flying is bad, but we've just gone batshit insane here in the United States. It sure is faster than swimming. Want efficient security? Hop over to 'old Europe'. When I was in Vienna earlier this year, everyone, and I mean -everyone- got patted down, brown, black, white, old and young. And when I say patted down, I mean patted down, it was thorough as all hell and very business like. I almost admired it in a weird way as they don't profile, they patted down everyone. They know that white people. Can be as batshit insane as brown and yellow people. Something we've forgotten here in the fabulous melting pot that I call home. Don't forget to wear your airport friendly clothing! Maybe I'm just getting crotchety or something. Happy Holidays.

4 comments:

Matt Hartley said...

I have to tell ya, nothing got me like hearing about little old ladies being 'clotheslined' by storm troopers, er, I mean airport 'security'. Never could verify the story, but I'd say that it is quite likely these days.

(BTW, love the blog) ;o)

michael said...

Brings back find memories. :)

Not!

Flying was fun as a kid. 9/11 turned it into an ordeal. Too bad they couldn't ask the gErmans how to run a secure airport - they had to start doing it in the 1970's.

zeruch said...

I never was fond of flying (hated the timesink of airports as compared to trainstations, but you know this Chris), but yes, the last couple of years have been like a Terry Gilliam movie of idiocy at airline terminals...except without the fun.

said...

aww... But give the States airports some credit, neh? It would be essentially ideal if American airports pat down everyone, but profiling gives them a better chance of finding a criminal in a situation in which the airports are unable to have the number of security officials (possibly the money to get those officials) pat everyone down. Alright; sorry for barging in!